Episode 2 -Begging Your Pardon

Many of us have experienced deep wounding at the hands of Christians—whether that be harsh judgement, exclusion, neglect, or outright abuse. In this episode, Anni addresses the hurt caused by followers of Jesus.

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Transcript

Hello! Welcome to Barely Christian, Fully Christian. This is Anni Ponder. This podcast explores loving Jesus, being repulsed by much of Christianity, and relating to the Holy Spirit as the divine feminine, or as I prefer to call her, Mama God.

In today's episode, Begging Your Pardon, I'll address some of the many ways Christians have wounded, judged, and harmed people. It's my deepest hope that we can all find healing and maybe forgiveness together.

Before you listen to today's episode, I just want to invite you to make sure you've heard episodes 0 and 1 because this is really a continuing conversation and this will make a lot more sense if you know where I'm coming from.

So if you haven't listened to 0 and 1, I invite you to do that before you hear this episode today.

A few years ago, I picked up a book called Blue Like Jazz by Donald Miller. I don't know, maybe you've heard of it. It came out maybe 10, 12, 15 years ago, something like that. And the subtitle caught my eye. It was called something like Non-Religious Thoughts on Christian Spirituality. So I was really interested and intrigued and I was just beginning to experience sort of the restructuring of my faith that I have been consistently undergoing ever since.

And this book was really at the very beginning of that part of my story. And my favorite part in this story, I don't want to spoil it for you, but this will just be a little teaser, is when Donald tells the story of himself in college. He and his friends are attending a very secular, super liberal college in Portland, Oregon. And there's this fair, this Renaissance fair, one of the last weekends of the school year. I think. I may be getting the details wrong. But the gist is there's going to be this fair and it's all kinds of raucous behavior and illegal substances being passed around freely and Donald and his friends are Christians and they have created a little band of fellow believers who on this campus want to make a difference, but not in a really--how to say?--not in an overt or pushy way not in a way that seems self-righteous or nauseating by any means, but in an authentic connective way they want to let the other people on campus know that Jesus really loves them and they are really a delight to God. And so in a meeting Donald says to his friends. "Hey, I have an idea at this fair, it's called Ren Faire, "let's make a confession booth." And then they're like, "What? So people can come in and talk about the drugs they've done and all the sex they've had?"

And Donald said, "No, no, no, no, no. They might think that's what it's about, but they're gonna come in and we are gonna confess our shortcomings as Christians to them when they come in." And the idea catches fire and I'll let you read the book for yourself if you wanna hear how it turns out.

But I've thought about that a lot in my recent years as I've been developing into maybe a more mature Christian, maybe a less naive one. And it occurs to me that there are plenty of folks who I know, many who I don't, more who I don't, who might need to hear something like that.

So that's what this episode is about, in the spirit of opening a conversation. This is a one-sided conversation right now, but I will of course invite you to comment and let me know how this has spoken to you. I'd love to hear from you.

I want to talk about the hurt that has been dealt to possibly you, but many people at the hands of Christianity and Christians. And so it's on my heart to say, before we can go any further, before I can even dive into why I think God is our Mama as much as our Papa, before we can get into anything else about following Jesus or even talking about some of the shortcomings of Christianity, I really want to tell you today on behalf of Christianity, I want to speak for Christianity and say, "We have not done a very good job."

And perhaps you've read my blog "Barely." I talk about this a little bit in "Barely" on my website, but here's the gist. I don't know you necessarily, but I'm going to make it a few assumptions. I'm going to assume that if you're listening to this podcast, you have some interest in Jesus, or maybe you're here because somebody said, "Hey, you've got to listen to this because there's some ways to think that maybe you haven't been exposed to before."

But for whatever reason, you might be Jesus-curious, but I'm going to assume there may probably be some real hurt in your life, in your experience, because of Christianity. And there are lots of examples of this, and I don't want to get into things that will be triggering to people, but you probably already know what I'm talking about.

Let's take a really obvious one right now. If you identify as LGBTQ, or you find yourself curious about that community and wondering if some of that, some of those identifiers might apply to you, there's a really good chance you have received a message either overtly or in sort of covert tones, but the message has come through very clearly: "You're not acceptable to God because that lifestyle is an abomination." And there's a lot to say about this, right? And as I've said, I'm not a theologian, and so I'm not going to pick apart scripture and tell you why I think that the six verses in the whole canon of scripture that talk about homosexuality are really referencing other things and we're translating it poorly.

I don't know. I've heard that explanation and part of me agrees. I don't know what the answer is as far as whether or not God wants to see everybody be straight. I don't really think so. I really believe that there are so many people who've been wrestling with these identifiers for so long and have asked earnestly. They have laid themselves out in front of God and said, "Change me, take this away,” and God has not. I also recognize there have been stories where people have felt like they have been turned straight and I don't really know.

That's not my story. But here's what I do know: "There is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus." And so to you wonderful, precious souls who find yourselves in the LGBTQ community, if that is you and if you have ever received any rejection, outright rejection, subtle rejection, any sort of condemnation by Christians who have been claiming to speak for God and tell you this is what God wants you to do, maybe people have said, "I just don't agree with your lifestyle. I know God loves you, but I just don't agree." And maybe it's just been that, but maybe it's been much worse. Maybe you have been excused from your home. Maybe you've lost friends. Maybe you've lost employment. Maybe you have experienced the betrayal of people that you trusted with your own inner life and they've turned around and used it against you. Whatever that is, I want you to know that rejection does not come from the heart of Jesus. And I mean this so sincerely when I say, I'm so very, very sorry for the pain that you've walked through if you've experienced rejection because of your sexuality or your gender identity. That isn't who I know Jesus to be.

I don't have answers. I know lots of Christianity is right now saying, "Okay, if that's you, you're fully accepted, but live a celibate lifestyle." I'm not prepared to enter that conversation and say whether or not I think that's good.

But here's the ultimate, my ultimate answer to that question: I trust the Holy Spirit, I trust Mama God enough to know that She will speak to you on Her own terms, in Her own time, and let you know what path your life needs to take. I don't believe there's something inherently wrong with you. I don't believe you are excused from heaven. I do not think you should be excluded from worship or service or community in any fashion. And so to you, dear sisters and brothers, and others who don't identify as sister or brother, I would just say a heartfelt apology on behalf of Christianity. Not that I can actually speak for Christianity, but I'm gonna try and I'm gonna say, I'm really sorry. I think we've got this all wrong. And I want you to feel welcome at the table as much as I do.

There are lots of other folks who suffered at the hands of Christians, at the hands of Christian dogma and doctrine and faith-based communities. I think of my dear friends and family members who have been silent for many years on the topic of abuse they've suffered. And to avoid triggering anyone, I don't wanna go into too great detail. But I do want to say, if you've ever been mistreated or hurt by anyone claiming to bear the name of Christ, if you have been abused or neglected, if you've been slandered or spoken ill of, by people claiming the name of Christ, I want to say with all my heart, I'm so sorry. That is not how Christ acted. That's not how Christ asks us to be. And I'm sure you know, because I'm sure you've done some of your work, we all have a long way to go. We're all learning. Many of us are still operating out of fear and judgment and a scarcity mindset. And that's not to say it's excusable. That's not to say that what has happened to you or maybe is happening to you is ever justifiable. That is to say, I'm so very sorry and please do not confuse Jesus with the people who have hurt you. From my experience, Jesus is nothing but loving and kind and compassionate. Yes, He's strong. Yes, He's fierce. But He's never been anything but welcoming and gentle to me.

And so all I can say is from what I know, these other behaviors that you may have experienced are not Christlike characteristics. And so please excuse, please find a place in your mind and heart to forgive, or at least to let go of the tragic loss you have suffered at the hands of Christians, and know that they do not represent Christ. Know that they have not been in line with the heart of God, which is all love and welcome and invitation.

I think a lot of us are probably wrestling with spiritual abuse of one sort or another. Maybe it's harsh judgment that has come from the mouth of a pastor up front condemning something that is close to us, not knowing what he or she, but most likely he, is even really saying, just spouting off.

I was at church one time, this was several years back, and I was attending this church that I found some good things in, but then eventually was led away from because of many, many things. But one thing that made it very clear that I couldn't stay there much longer was the pastor began to make Mormon jokes. "Oh yeah, if you were a Mormon, this is what you would think," from the pulpit. And I thought to myself, wait a minute, what? First of all, who are you to judge someone of another faith? You don't know the story of every Mormon. Why are you making jokes? And he went on to just laugh about the Mormon faith. And I thought, I am so glad I didn't bring a Mormon friend with me today, because I would be so embarrassed on behalf of this church. And I would feel like this was just about the worst thing I could have subjected them to.

So maybe you can relate. Maybe you've heard some scathing words from the pulpit that put you down or someone that you know and love. There are plenty of instances of this in my own life and probably in yours too. And for that, I just would like to say, I'm so very sorry. That's not how Christ told us to speak. We are not to be agents of judgment and condemnation. We are not to be the world's morality police. We're not to go around telling people how to vote, how to think, how to dress, how to be. Our only job as followers of Jesus is recorded in, I think it's the book of Matthew, but forgive me if I'm wrong. It's called The Great Commission when Jesus is about to ascend back up to heaven. And He just says, "Go and make disciples of people. Go and teach people to be My disciple." And you know what I've learned a disciple, our job is? A disciple's job is just to imitate their rabbi. Just to act like and speak like and live like the rabbi. We are to imitate Jesus. And that's not to say that we all need to quit our jobs and walk around and go heal people and cast out demons. That's not to say that we need to go and live in some obscure location and change our lives. That's to say that in the lives that we have been given wherever we are, we are to be like Jesus to the world.

And so when I talk about Christianity, you probably hear a lot of, well, condemnation coming from me because I do recognize that so much of Christianity is condemnation of other people. And all I can think of is the words of Jesus when he's talking to the pious religious leaders of the day whom the people thought, oh, that's the way to eternal life. That's the way to goodness. That's the way to favor with God. And they were awful and ruthless to the people. They exacted so many works from them. They put demands on them that were so impossible. And the only harsh words I ever hear Jesus speaking is when He's talking to the Pharisees and the Sadducees and the scribes and the religious rulers who oppress the people with their own piety and their own self-righteousness.

And so I am working on letting go of my need and my desire to condemn the folks who do that. I don't want to other anyone. However, I do want to be like my Rabbi, Jesus, who had pretty harsh words for those who were oppressing people who had come to them for assurance, for comfort, for spiritual guidance.

And so, dear listener, I might not know you. I might not know your story. But if any of this resonates, please accept my heartfelt apology. Please know that God Almighty has nothing for you but love. And yes, of course, help. Of course, God does not leave us where we are. Of course, God wants us to grow and become more healthy and more well-adjusted people. Yes and yes, this is not me saying, "God just writes you a blank check and you can just go on messing up your whole life and never change." No, please do not misunderstand me. This is me saying God fully accepts and embraces you. God absolutely loves you. God is wild about you. And anyone who has told you differently is not speaking out of love. And we are only to speak in love if we are following Jesus.

And so my dears, I invite you to get in touch with me and let me know, has this resonated with you at all? Are there wounds that you bear dealt to you at the hands of Christians? I would love to hear about that. I'd love to walk with you. I'm not a counselor. I'm not a therapist. I'm not a theologian. I am simply a fellow traveler and I would love to hear your story.

You can find me at anniponder.com. That's A -N -N -I Ponder.com or barelychristianfullychristian.com. Plenty of ways to get in touch with me there. I really would love to hear about ways you've been wounded and ways that you're healing now. And maybe we can find some better narratives for us all.

The artwork for Barely Christian, Fully Christian was lovingly created by Lauren Leith of Little Moon Market. You can find her on Instagram if you'd like a beautiful moon of your own.

This gorgeous song by Wyn Doran and Paul Craig is called "Banks of Massachusetts." Enjoy.